>> Hi.

I'm Lewis Howes, New York Times best-selling author and entrepreneur.

And welcome to "The School of Greatness," where we interview the most influential minds and leaders in the world to inspire you to live your best life today.

In this episode, we sit down with Muniba Mazari.

In 2008, she was in a tragic car accident that left her wheelchair-bound because of a spinal-cord injury.

She took this intense adversity and turned it into an opportunity and has since become a global motivational speaker, an artist, humanitarian, Pakistan's first wheelchair-bound female TV host, and Pakistan's first Goodwill Ambassador to UN Women Pakistan.

Today, she shares how to become the source of your own joy, the importance of solitude, how to develop unconditional self-love and how to break free of others' expectations once and for all to live the life that's meaningful to you.

I'm so glad you're here today, so let's dive in and let the class begin.

♪ ♪ Can you explain a little bit about your story from when you had a car accident and how everything in your life changed to where it is now?

>> Well, Lewis, I've always believed that some accidents and incidents are so strong that they change your DNA.

They deform your body, but they truly transform your soul.

And the same incident happened.

14 years ago, I was in a major car crash.

It was a really bad one.

I sustained numerous injuries and I always put a disclaimer before I share the long list of my injuries.

It's a bit long.

Don't get scared.

Radius, ulna of my right arm got fractured, my shoulder bone and collarbone got fractured, my lungs and liver were badly injured because my rib cage got fractured, and I had immense internal bleeding.

But this injury that really changed my life and that changed me as a human in blink of an eye completely was my spinal-cord injury.

Three vertebrae of my backbone got completely crushed and I got paralyzed right there and then.

The place where this incident happened was a far-flung area where there was no ambulance, there was no first aid, no hospitals.

So when people in the local area saw this woman in the car, she was stuck there, they just wanted to help me out.

They wanted to save my life.

So they dragged me out of the car, which destroyed my spinal cord forever.

So I've been using wheelchair for the past 14 years.

I am half-waist-down paralyzed.

There is no mobility, no sensation, no bladder and bowel control.

And that's the gist of this whole incident.

>> What was the dream for you?

Did you have a dream that you wanted to do something with your life?

Or was the dream just to kind of go through and do what your parents wanted you to do and get a, you know, education and see what happens?

What was the dream?

>> My dream.

You know what?

I celebrated my 21st birthday in ICU.

>> Wow.

>> So my life did not give me that much chance to think about what I really wanted to do.

But all I always aspired to be was to become an artist.

I loved art.

That kept me going.

That kept me sane.

And that is all that I wanted to be.

I just wanted to become an artist.

And then life happens.

And that happened to me.

You know, how in split second everything changed.

So, yes, for a 21-year-old, there was too much to absorb.

So I call this accident my rebirth because it really, really changed me as a person.

It literally changed my DNA.

>> What was the thing that you feel like you learned the most from this rebirth that when you were growing up, maybe you had one belief or one way of thinking that after or during or after this experience in the hospital and in this rebirth that you started to think in a different way?

What was that way of thinking?

>> You know, pain is a beautiful thing.

It's a great teacher.

It teaches you so much.

And there is a huge difference between pain and suffering.

I was in constant pain after the accident.

You know, I spent a lot of time in hospital.

About two and a half months, I was in the hospital, then I got discharged and I was bedridden in my home, confined for two consecutive years because I developed massive pressure sores on my body.

>> Two years?

>> Yes.

Two years.

>> So two months in the hospital and then two years at home where you... Oh, my gosh.

>> Yes.

Because the sores were just not healing.

So I was bedridden for two years and two and a half months of my life.

>> Mm!

>> And as I said, that pain teaches you so much, Lewis.

I mean, when I was in the hospital, the first thing that I learned was hospital is a place where people become so brutally honest, especially your doctors, because they have to be honest.

They cannot give you false hopes.

I always aspire to become an artist, but when my hand was completely fractured, my arm was fractured and my hand was deformed and I was just crying about it, that, you know what?

"Oh, my God, my hand, my arm."

I did not realize what I had lost.

So one day a doctor came.

He was a spine surgeon.

Brilliant, brilliant doctor, a wonderful human being.

He came in the room and he said, "You know what, Muniba?

Your spine injury is dreadful.

And nobody wants to operate your back because it's going to be very risky.

Your three vertebrae are gone completely.

But I really want to operate your back because I want you to sit.

I do not want you to stay in bed for the rest of your life because you will die."

And I looked at him and I said, "But what about me walking?"

And he had his way of, you know, he used to come and punch me in the head.

And he looked at me and he punched me in the head and he said, "I have to tell you something.

You are going to use the wheelchair for the rest of your life.

I am not here to make you walk.

I'm only here to operate you so that you can sit."

>> Mm!

>> And then he said, "There is something else I want you to know."

And I said, "What?

What next?"

He said, "Uh..." It was like one after another, right?

Things were changing.

And he said, "You won't be able to be a mother."

>> Oh, wow.

>> And, you know, that was the point where it really shook me to the core, Lewis, because I loved kids.

And that was the moment when I actually thought that, "Oh, my God.

Something big has happened to me."

And now, slowly, I'm realizing.

Every day, people are coming in and they're saying what you are not able to do.

That night was the most painful night of my life.

When the doctors left, everyone went.

My mother was with me all the time, like my shadow standing next to me.

I looked at her, and by the time I was very composed and quiet, did not cry, did not scream.

But that night when I was told that no walking, no babies, I was devastated, you know, and I looked at my mother and she was reciting something.

And I looked at her and I said, "You lied to me.

You know, you said God loved me.

Then how God can do this to me?

Here I am, half fractured, half paralyzed, laying in bed.

I'm in so much pain.

Like, physical pain, psychological pain, emotional pain.

I just don't want to live.

There is nothing to look forward to.

Just pray.

I want to die."

You know?

And I just started crying.

And I cried and I cried.

And I did not stop.

And my mother was standing next to me.

She was so patient.

She held my hands.

And I was -- When I got done crying because I was so tired of crying.

You know what?

I had a chest tube in my lungs.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't cough.

I couldn't sneeze.

I couldn't even cry louder because, you know, my rib cage was not there.

My lungs were damaged.

And so my mother said something beautiful, Lewis.

She said, "You are my only daughter.

And you're not the only one who's feeling paralyzed.

When I see you in pain, I feel paralyzed, too.

But let me tell you something.

This pain will not last longer.

This time will pass because nothing lasts forever.

And one day God will show you why did He choose you out of so many people for this test.

So please be patient."

And nothing made sense.

What she was saying, it did not make sense at all because I was at the verge of despair.

And, Lewis, that was the moment when I realized that when you are at the verge of despair, just one voice of sanity can really save your life.

>> Yeah.

>> It can save you from drowning in self-doubt.

And in my case, when I was in ICU, my mother's voice saved me.

>> What was the biggest lesson you learned about yourself during the time, those two-plus months in the hospital and then also two years at home?

The biggest lessons you learned about yourself.

>> I learned that even though my hand was deformed, art kept me sane.

It kept me going.

That was my only escape.

You know, when I was bedridden, I couldn't leave the house.

I could not leave the bed.

I couldn't take a shower.

I couldn't see outside.

I was just confined in my room like a caged bird.

And art kept me sane.

So with the deformed hand, I was just painting those hideous faces.

And I kept stacking up underneath the bed.

And one day, my brother came in the room and he said, "You know what?

One day, all this stacked-up art will be exhibited in a gallery."

And I literally laughed and I said, "Oh, come on, you know?

It's okay to be optimistic, but be realistic.

These are hideous.

Nobody would like it."

But now I realize that my brother was manifesting the best future for me.

And the day came when I actually exhibited my work.

>> Wow.

>> What I learned about myself being bedridden and because of this whole injury was we human beings are so strong, so strong, yet we are so vulnerable.

And this beautiful balance of strength and vulnerability make us who we are.

>> I love this.

And when did you begin to believe in yourself again?

When, you know, the self-doubt must have been so high, so strong for you during this time of asking yourself, "What's the point of this?

You know?

Did God forget me?

Does God not love me?

You know?

Are people in my life really there for me?

Do I have any skills that I can use if I can't walk, if I can't use my hand?"

When did you start to overcome self-doubt and start to actually be way more confident than you've ever been before?

>> You know, that's what self-acceptance does.

It works wonders.

And, you know, the journey of self-acceptance is never easy because we are so scared, all of us.

We have fears, fears of known, fear of unknown and how I accepted myself, like, is a story.

So what happened was when my sores got healed and I managed to sit for the first time after two years and two and a half months, I literally forgot how I used to look on a bigger mirror because I couldn't see myself in a big mirror.

>> Wow.

So you were laying down most of the two years, the whole... >> Oh, yes.

>> Wow.

>> I just could not sit because I had massive sores on my back and I just could not sit.

So I still remember the day, you know, when my brothers brought the wheelchair in my room.

And I was in the bed, looked at the wheelchair and it just hit me at that moment that this wheelchair is my reality now.

Not for a week.

Not for a month, not for a year, but for the rest of my life.

This is my reality.

So they lifted me and they put me in the wheelchair, and they somehow knew that I needed some space because I was about to meet the new me after so long.

And they left the room and there I was, sitting in the wheelchair, facing the mirror, looking at myself.

Oh, God, that was... >> What did you see?

>> Not a really blissful sight.

You know?

Because I looked at myself with all the chopped-off hair because my mother had to cut my hair because we couldn't wash the hair when I was bedridden.

I had -- I was so weak.

I had massive dark circles.

And I was literally trembling because of weakness, because I sat up for so long, I could not actually sit.

So when I looked at myself in the mirror at my lowest, I hated that sight.

So what I did was there was this lipstick on the table.

I picked it up and I applied it.

And I looked at my face and I was like, "What am I even trying to do?

I'm trying to look pretty.

Do I even realize that I'm in a wheelchair and women in the wheelchair don't need to look pretty?"

I cleaned it and I applied it again, I cleaned it again.

And then I cried like a child because I could not accept what I had become.

And while I was crying, you know, this was my journey of self-acceptance.

And while I was crying, I realized that I have two options.

I can sit in the corner of the room and cry and, you know, beg people for their attention, for their mercy.

But you know what?

People don't have time.

When you laugh, the world laughs with you.

When you cry, you cry alone.

Or I can wait for a miracle to come and make me walk.

But I knew it's never going to happen.

Or I can just accept myself the way I am.

Whatever mess I was at that point, just accept yourself and move on.

And when that happened, everything changed, Lewis, because when you accept yourself the way you are, the world recognizes you.

And I think that self-talk, that matters.

When you are looking at yourself in the mirror without makeup, without filter, it's just you with yourself, the conversation that you have with yourself at that point is the most meaningful, profound and life-changing conversation.

I had that with myself.

And rest is history.

>> What was the main conversation you had before you accepted yourself in the mirror?

And then what is the conversation you have with yourself now when you look at yourself in the mirror?

>> So, when I looked at myself in the mirror and I was not accepting myself at all, I could not communicate with myself.

>> Really?

>> I was just looking at myself.

I said, "No, that is not me."

I was this 5'7" tall girl at the age of 21, you know?

And now this woman in a wheelchair.

What a mess.

I could not talk.

I could not talk to myself.

But then the minute I accepted what has happened, I realized one thing.

That no matter whatever I was left with, I had to carry it with grace, with gratitude.

And that's it.

And that helped.

>> And what do you say to yourself now when you look at yourself in the mirror?

>> "Look at you!"

Just kidding.

[ Both laugh ] >> "Dang, you look good.

Dang, you look good.

You're smart, you're intelligent, you matter."

>> Yes.

"You're all of that."

No, But honestly, when I look at myself, I just say one thing.

"Just keep going.

Keep going, keep going.

Because your journey is not just yours.

There are so many people who are -- who look at you when they need inspiration, when they need motivation, because motivation dies every day.

And even if my presence can make someone's day, I'll do it for them."

That's what I say.

I don't give compliments to myself, no.

>> Why do you think people struggle so much with loving themselves and with self-love?

>> You know, we are a generation obsessed with perfection.

We want everything perfect and everything has to be Instagram perfect.

Hashtag couple goals.

Hashtag beautiful.

You know?

Let's redefine the word beauty.

Let's redefine the word perfection.

I've always said this, and I'll say it again that I'm perfectly imperfect.

And that's perfectly alright.

I have accepted myself with all the imperfections, things that I cannot change.

The deformity that I have in my body, I cannot fix that.

The scars that I have on my body, even though I'm healed, wounds and scars are still there.

I'm not -- I'm not ready to change that.

I'm okay with that.

I've accepted.

But what really makes me perfect is how I communicate with people.

Am I kind enough?

Am I compassionate enough?

Am I considerate enough?

That makes me perfect.

That makes you perfect.

And that's what it is.

>> Why do you think so many people are broken in the world who maybe aren't in a wheelchair who have able-bodied, let's say, don't have a deformed body or something, but they're broken.

Where do you think that brokenness is coming from for so many people?

>> Too many expectations from people.

Too many expectations.

You know, we want to get into a relationship because we want happiness.

We want to feel complete.

Right?

Soul mates.

No.

You are your own soul mate, period.

You know?

If you are not in a good relationship with yourself, you will be miserable even if you are in a relationship with someone.

That's why people are broken.

My happiness cannot be taken by someone because my happiness does not come from someone.

Nobody is giving me my joy.

I am the reason of my own joy.

If we manage to understand this tiny little truth about life, we will heal.

And time doesn't heal you.

You heal you.

You need to sit down with yourself and think.

Do you love yourself enough?

You know?

And if you love yourself enough and you believe in self-love, no external force will ever be able to break you.

>> Mm.

Why do you think so many people are afraid to be alone?

This is kind of like this fear.

"I don't want to die alone.

I can't, you know, go day by day without having friends around me all the time.

I can't be alone.

I can't go to dinner by myself.

I can't go to the movie by myself.

I can't walk down the street alone."

Why is there this insecurity or fear that so many people have?

>> Because we forget that we came in the world with nothing and we leave with nothing.

We came alone, crying.

>> Yes.

>> And when we were born, we were in pain.

Right?

And we were crying.

That was the sign of life.

Oh, the baby is alive because the baby is crying and the baby is in pain.

And when we leave, we are alone.

So many people have left.

Life does not stop, right?

We are designed because we are social animals, right?

We human beings are social animals.

We need to socialize.

The problem comes.

Problem is not with the relationship.

The problem is the expectations that we have with our partners, that "my spouse has to make me feel good."

>> So true.

Yeah.

>> It doesn't work that way.

>> It doesn't.

>> Your spouse is a human being too, fighting battles.

You are doing too.

Again, if you two are not complementing each other, your life will become miserable.

>> For people who might feel stuck in their life, might feel some type of brokenness, whether it be emotionally, emotionally or physically and they say, "I don't know how to go after my dreams," what advice would you give to people who are struggling to figure out what their dreams are and also how to go after them?

>> We have this constant pressure of overachievement.

When I try to sit every day in the morning because my back muscles don't work, I fall back.

Then I try to get up, I fall back.

And it happens.

It continues.

So basically I start my day as a failure because I just cannot sit on my own without the help of my mother.

So please, you don't have to be an overachiever every day.

>> Yeah.

>> Sometimes just waking up in the morning and not giving up on yourself is a huge achievement.

>> Absolutely.

>> You know, and I do it every day.

You do it every day.

We all do that.

So appreciate it.

And be kind to yourself.

>> Yeah.

>> And you were talking about people dreaming.

I always say one thing -- that dreams don't work unless you do.

You know, there is no such thing as overnight achievement.

No.

If it comes easy, it goes easy.

I can sit in the corner of the room and daydream all day long, but nobody's going to come and serve success on plate.

>> Right.

>> Right?

So I have to be optimistic, but I have to be realistic, too.

I need to work to get my dreams and that's it.

And what I've learned so far, Lewis, is the attitude of gratitude works wonders.

You know, it is so powerful that gratitude has the power to turn what you have into enough.

>> So I would like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario, that you get to live as long as you want to live and accomplish and achieve and serve in the way you want to serve to the world.

And you get to live your life the way you want, right?

But one day you have to go to the next place.

You have to leave this Earth.

And for whatever reason, in this hypothetical scenario, you have to take all of your work with you -- this interview, your videos, your content.

It has to go to the next place, so we don't have access to your information and this message anymore.

It's hypothetical.

But you get to leave behind to the world three lessons that you've learned from your entire life experience and these three lessons is all we would have to remember your content by.

I call it the Three Truths question.

What would be those three truths or three lessons you would share if that's all you could share?

>> I would want the world to know what real success is.

Everybody wants to become successful.

My definition of success is different.

Success is not about how well people know you.

Success is how well you know yourself.

>> Ooh, I like it.

>> Right?

So just know yourself.

If you know yourself, you are successful.

And secondly... Be grateful.

>> Mm!

>> I wish I could say it a thousand times, but gratitude works wonders.

When you are too busy complaining about what you don't have, think about a child who is suffering from thalassemia, who is waiting for one bottle of blood and dreaming to have a life that you have.

But you know what?

You are too busy complaining.

The breath that you just took right now, that's a blessing.

Be grateful.

You know, it is so powerful that gratitude has the power to turn what you have into enough.

You know, gratitude will never let -- it will never turn your pain into suffering.

It will never, you know.

And so be grateful for all the things that you have, for the things that you don't have or you have lost.

Just be grateful.

And last but not least, I've said this a thousand times, and I'll say it again that you are the hero of your own story, and heroes never give up.

So just don't give up and keep going.

>> I have one final question.

It is what is your definition of greatness?

>> How do I define greatness?

How gracefully you let go of all the things and people who don't belong to your journey.

How gracefully you let go of all that, that defines your greatness.

Your consistency.

That defines your greatness.

>> We hope you enjoyed this episode and found it valuable.

Make sure to stay tuned for more from "The School of Greatness" coming soon on public television.

Again, I'm Lewis Howes.

And if no one has told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

If you'd like to continue on the journey of greatness with me, please check out my website lewishowes.com, where you'll find over 1,000 episodes of "The School of Greatness" show, as well as tools and resources to support you in living your best life.

>> The online course Find Your Greatness is available for $19.

Drawn from the lessons Lewis Howes shares in "The School of Greatness," this interactive course will guide you through a step-by-step process to discover your strengths, connect to your passion and purpose, and help create your own blueprint for greatness.

To order, go to lewishowes.com/tv.

♪ ♪ ♪