- [Taryn] They're good parents.

Great parents.

(suspenseful music) - [Catherine] We had to get it right.

All of America was watching.

We had to get this right.

And I cannot ask my soldiers to do something I'm not willing to do myself.

(soldiers yelling) They pushed me to Kabul.

They moved me to another location for another mission.

So Jenny and I separated.

With the understanding that her and I would come back together at some point, they would either take me back to Kandahar or they'd push her to where I was at.

Jenny didn't make it.

They're going to bring her back (indistinct).

Motherfuckers.

Out of all the people.

Everybody.

(voices echoing) Even more proud that I was the one that was gonna to be able to take Jenny home.

(somber music) There are casualties of war outside of casualties of war.

And I feel as though my daughter, she is going to have to come to terms with watching her mom unravel.

And I'm still making amends for some of my mistakes.

She tells me all the time, you know, "There's some stuff I'm dealing with, Mom, and there's some things I got to forgive you for."

And I know she does.

And so I just, I give her her grace, give her her space, and I pray over her every day.

So my son and my daughter both had to watch their mom unravel and then my daughter had to watch her mom try to put herself back together.

Probably paying for it for the rest of my life.

(pensive music) - She's very... She's very outgoing.

She's strong and she's... She's lovable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

(gentle music) When she got back from deployment, she was just cold.

Like, I don't know.

She was cold, but she's also like very emotional.

And before the deployment, she wasn't, you would get rock solid.

Like my mom was not emotional at all before that.

But then after that it's just, she's crying all the time.

And I wasn't used to that.

I don't blame her.

I don't resent her.

It's like that's life.

Stuff happens.

You keep pushing.

Like I don't think about it too much.

I mean, obviously it still affects me, like talking about it clearly, but it's just... it's life.

- [Daniel] Because your mom is outgoing, strong and lovable.

- Yeah.

- [Daniel] And how about your dad?

- The post-deployment, Taryn, I think my daughter saw some things that she never seen before being, I think she was only 10, 11 years old at the time.

She went through a lot.

I was planning on, I was retired.

I got out the military.

When she came back, her relationship with Taryn just seemed to change.

And I think when they went to Italy, it got worse.

- So after she came back from deployment, she developed a drinking problem and then she moved me to Italy without my dad's knowing and like consent.

- [Daniel] So you define Italy as trauma?

- Yeah.

I think that's like dictionary definition.

You see trauma, Italy.

It's like right there.

It's just craziness.

Suicidal ideations, stuff like that.

- I left here in Georgia to fly to Italy to be with her for two weeks because Taryn had took a turn for the worst.

She was admitted into a hospital.

It was terrible.

- And then in a foreign country by myself, my mom's going TDY for two weeks at a time.

She has a drinking problem.

So it's like a whole thing.

A lot of stuff, a lot of pressures.

- The drinking, Taryn did not like the drinking.

She couldn't stand it.

- But that's also like because of how I grew up.

With the constant moving and stuff, you just kind of forget.

- [Daniel] Why'd y'all move so much?

- The military.

(pensive music) I kind of hate hearing talk about the military at this point in my life because it's just, one, it brings back bad memories and then it's like, I didn't grow up understanding half the stuff they were talking about.

So it's like now I don't care about that.

But it's like when we talk about where we're at in life because of the military, then I'll join that conversation.

She was distant and I've always been an independent kid, so it never like, I didn't notice it, but definitely became more... (Taryn sighs) I didn't really need her because I was going through my own thing.

She was going through her own things.

So it's like my bubble, her bubble, that's life.

Yeah.

- Hey there.

Hi there.

There's a saying in Sanskrit and yoga.

(speaks Sanskrit) It's non-stealing.

It's like you have to let someone else have their own journey.

Like I can't steal her journey from her.

I've got to let her go on that on her own and my son as well.

And I do, I forget, but I can't.

I can't tell.

(Daniel speaks indistinctly) - Right, but I can't tell her how to heal and in what time capacity or how to forgive me.

So it's kind of hard when you see the hurt and anger on her face knowing that you're the cause of it and you're trying your best to be present and you're doing your best for yourself, but I have to allow her to have those days, those emotions and I can't take that from her.

I can't yell at her for it 'cause those are her honest feelings.

Those are her honest emotions.

- [Daniel] Struck me, I didn't ask you, why did the army destroy your marriage?

(pensive music) Why do you think spousal abuse is a problem in the military?

- Facts, yes, because of the op temple and because no one gives a fuck.

And especially for seniors is you require so much of them.

And as a senior, we are in charge with being, taking care of the morale and welfare for everyone underneath our charge.

So then by the time you get home, you literally have nothing left, where your spouse is just asking you to show up.

So I was all over the place because I never had time to deal with or process the thing with Jenny.

Then I'm fighting for my career.

I got two kids and I got a husband.

I didn't have anything left for the marriage.

Like I'm trying to find that balance and I got sick of just arguing.

I got sick of just fighting because I hear I'm fighting for my career and that took a huge toll on me because I felt like I was by myself.

He took my gun and now he took my- - Who?

- My ex husband.

My husband at the time took my gun.

So I was more livid about that.

I don't know, that security blanket, like, "Just give me back my fucking gun."

He's like, "No, I can't give you back your gun.

You're just not acting right."

And "I don't give a shit what else you do.

Just give me back my gun.

I want my gun."

"No, I'm afraid you're going to do something to yourself.

"I said," Well, to be honest with you, you need to give me back my fucking gun.

And if you don't, you won't make it through the night."

I had nothing left in me and then I was taking everything out on him.

And the military, they didn't give a shit.

I showed up, I performed, I did the job, but they don't check on you when you get back.

Like are you okay?

Do you need some time?

Do you need marriage or counseling?

There's no process for that.

There's a process to get you ready to go deploy.

There's a process to train you how to deploy.

It's getting what you're going to do while you're deployed, but there is no process when you come home.

Okay, now you're home.

Now you're back.

Let's see how we can reintegrate you back into your life and into your family's life.

And oh, by the way, are you okay with this loss you just suffered?

There was none of that.

And he said it, he's like, "You came back changed, damaged, and different."

He said, "I can't do nothing with that."

"So you can get the fuck out."

Got back, we'll say April 2nd.

By April 4th, he had packed his truck and was gone.

And Army, they don't, I even asked for family counseling.

I went in and asked for family counseling.

You know what I was told?

"We don't offer that."

- I think it was a total failure on the military part, especially on Catherine's part.

- [Daniel] Do you think the Army could have done better for Taryn?

- (sighs) I don't know.

- [Daniel] Some people your age don't know they can do it on their own.

- Yeah.

- You know it.

Yeah, you've been to fire.

- You think?

- Yeah.

- I don't know.

I feel like it's just like, I don't know how it is for other people, so I don't know like if it's that bad, you know?

So I just never think it's like that bad because like it could be worse obviously, but like, eh, it's whatever.

That's how I just feel about a lot of things.

- [Daniel] Have you and him sort of reconciled a little bit, talked about it, talked it through?

- Oh man, we talk about it every time we see each other.

First, I was upset 'cause he left, but in all reality, A, it happened the way it was supposed to, and B, had he stayed, I would've never got better.

- [Daniel] Yeah.

To me, she blames herself.

- For the divorce?

- Yeah.

When she's talking to me, she blames herself, but that's my memory and how much she still loves him.

- Hmm.

Really?

- [Daniel] She just told me that today.

Were you there?

- That's a joke, right?

- [Daniel] No, no.

No, seriously.

That's what she said earlier today.

- No she didn't.

- I swear to God.

- No, she didn't.

- [Daniel] I swear.

On my mom.

- On your mom?

- [Daniel] On my mom.

(people speak indistinctly) - They're great friends.

They're the bestest friends ever.

I would definitely... I'm definitely grateful that my parents have the relationship they do because it could be so much worse.

You would never even think they went through the things that they went through.

Like , it's like night and day.

- [Daniel] Do you still carry that burden?

- I do because I... Wait a minute.

I'm over here getting ready to express myself.

I'm being emotive and y'all giving me a... - [Daniel] Well, we're smiling about it.

- Y'all giving Captain Kirby and Mr.

Swap.

- Well, funny you just say that.

We're smiling about it because we talk about it.

Because, can I share it?

- Mm hmm.

- Because Taryn feels you still carry that.

- Yeah.

I mentioned that.

Yeah.

- So you know you're loved.

- Yes.

- [Daniel] So they did something right.

- Mm hmm.

They're good parents.

Great parents.

- Well, so I still carry some of that sadness.

It's not a burden.

It's not a burden.

I carry some of that sadness in my heart because I know - - I think that's what it is.

She hasn't really totally forgiven herself for it because she knows it had a detrimental effect.

And I fault myself too.

I'd be remiss to say that I don't take fault in it.

It's truly been a journey.

From the time she was an infant, her name was Hope.

You know, we named her Hope.

Didn't know whether or not she was going to survive it because Catherine... She had like two miscarriages back to back.

So Taryn makes things hope.

- So there are casualties of war outside of the casualties of war.

And for the longest time I thought, "Oh, there's something wrong with me because I'm still crying, I'm not healed."

That's bullshit.

It's an emotion.

It's a reaction and I'm allowed to have it.

And that's what everyone needs to fucking know.

It doesn't make me damaged, broken.

I don't need to be fixed.

I need to be allowed to have my feeling and keep it moving.

(pensive music continues) Welcome to Cat's Corner.

What is Cat's Corner and who am I?

(Catherine laughs) - [Daniel] Snafu.

Yes.

Let's go.

- What does Snafu mean?

Situation normal, all fucked up.

That's a good way of telling a senior leader that you messed up something, but without getting in trouble, adding a little sense of humor.

Someone says, "Hey, what's the sit?

What's going on?

What's happening?"

"We're in a snafu right now, first sarge."

- [Daniel] The deeper meaning of too easy.

- Get out of my head because I was... Okay.

All right, let's go.

Glad you were here today.

Next line.