(electricity crackling) (somber music) (lights buzzing) (somber music continues) ♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪ ♪ Crawled up the water spout ♪ - Okay, I can do this.

♪ The bitsy insty spider ♪ - It's itsy bitsy.

- Oh, is it?

Okay.

♪ The itsy ♪ ♪ The bitsy ♪ - Like this.

- Okay.

♪ Itsy spider ♪ ♪ Crawled up the spout ♪ - The water spout, Dad.

- I'm sorry.

- Why can't you remember things anymore?

- I'm trying, honey.

Just show it to me one more time.

Just one more time.

I led combat missions in Iraq.

Now I'm being cared for by a child.

(somber music continues) - [Marie] Why can't you remember things anymore?

- So you know there are other ways to calm your nerves, man.

You ever meditate?

- No, doctors say I'm not allowed to take deep breaths.

(Brian laughs) - Why would a doctor say that?

- Because I got a bad lung.

- That was the medical diagnosis?

A bad lung?

- Yeah.

- Which lung?

That one?

He was right next to me.

Until he wasn't.

(phone ringing) (explosion booming) (somber music continues) Not a scratch on me, but my body felt disconnected from my brain.

I could think about moving, but my body wouldn't follow.

(Brian gasping) I couldn't hear.

My vision was blurred.

I tried to call in the medivac, but I couldn't talk.

Years later, I'm in one piece physically.

Not really emotionally or mentally.

Why can't I read like I used to?

Why can't I speak like I used to?

Why can't I complete a sentence?

I can't visualize things anymore.

I can't recognize faces.

I'm meeting strangers in my house every day.

Why is it that I can remember part of my childhood, but I can't remember what I did yesterday?

Why am I intolerant of little things?

I was never that person before.

The lack of patience with people, it's not anger.

It's frustration.

- Daddy!

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!

- [Simone] Brian, what are you doing?

I can't come up behind him.

I can't even touch his face without him pulling away.

I really wish that we could go out and we could do the things that we used to do.

He can't be in crowds.

Anything I do out of the house, I do alone.

He's back, but he isn't here with us.

(somber music continues) - [Brian] I looked around a parking garage for two hours.

I couldn't find my car.

- [Danielle] I dictate my journey from my car so I can find my way back.

15 steps to the elevator on the left, level five.

I take pictures of my car, the view from the spot and all along the way, so I can backtrack the same way.

(Brian hyperventilating) (somber music continues) - Focus, focus.

- Are you okay?

Is there anything I can do to help?

Are you looking for your car?

Breathe, breathe.

You're having a panic attack.

Let's get you out of the road.

Can I put my hand on your shoulder?

Here, here, you can lean on me.

That's good.

Don't be looking at the horizon.

I'm here.

Just deep breaths.

(somber music continues) What?

- You going to get any of that in your mouth?

- You're going to get any of that in your mouth?

My injury.

I was in my basement, pushing about 100 pounds of china from carpet onto tile.

Once it slipped onto the tile, I just went.

I felt this ray of pain going down my spine.

I wasn't breathing anymore.

I was just floating.

There was no sound.

It was kind of beautiful.

And then I hear my grandfather's voice in my ear saying, breathe.

And I came back a very defective person.

Recovery from a TBI is dark.

The darkness of blurred vision, the darkness of no longer understanding myself or the world I'm living in, the need for darkness because the light is too much stimulation for my disconnected circuits to stand.

- [Brian] I started going back to college.

I had to learn, learn new ways to learn.

I was going to force myself, no matter what, to overcome these obstacles.

- [Danielle] The brain is an all or nothing machine.

When a circuit goes down, you have to build new pathways around the circuit.

By overworking the parts of the brain that aren't damaged, a TBI sufferer will strengthen the healthy tissues, allowing time for the bad connections to lay down new pathways.

It may take 6, 9, 24 months to build that circuit, but once everything's connected, there goes the switch.

♪ Down came the rain and washed the spider out ♪ ♪ Out came the sun and dried up all the rain ♪ ♪ And the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the spout again ♪ - [Marie] Itsy.

Itsy.

♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪ - [Marie] If you just practice, you'll get it.

- My daughter, she was my greatest teacher.

Okay.

♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪ ♪ Crawled up the water spout ♪ - [Brian] The flickering lights killed me.

I took so many notes, three to four times as many as I used to.

If I could do the work it took to join the military, I could do the work to come back.

(faucet hissing) (somber music continues) - [Simone] I just keep trying every day, every day wishing and hoping that things change, but I don't know when they will.

I just don't know what to do.

(somber music continues) Brian, I love you.

I'm just afraid something's broken between us.

- [Brian] I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere.

But like a lighthouse in the distance, every now and then, a wave of energy would sweep across my brain and give me a sense of renewal.

I memorized, but I couldn't retain.

I woke up each day to a clean slate.

I felt more and more like a burden.

How could I continue this way?

- [Danielle] So many take their own lives.

They think they'll never get there.

It's never a gradual thing.

You're going to be horrible, until the moment you're not.

- [Brian] We exist as separate brain cells to each other, neurons passing messages back and forth.

We rally around the lost ones, the damaged ones, and shoulder their load.

♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪ ♪ Crawled up the water spout ♪ - As we connect with each other, the electricity flows again.

Yeah, so there I am, stumbling around the parking lot, trying to find the car.

All of a sudden, I can't see anything.

I can't find my car.

I can't even see my hands.

I felt so alone.

Can you believe that?

A soldier, having a panic attack in a parking garage.

- Brian, don't be hard on yourself, man.

If I'm in that situation, people can tell that I was in war.

Does it put you right back into that day?

- Pretty close.

- It makes me feel lucky, that my wounds aren't invisible.

- [Brian] Sam, you got blown up.

I've taken bigger hits in football practice.

- I got rattled just as bad as you did.

It's just, I've got something to show for it.

The world can see what I went through.

They don't get that same opportunity with you.

- Yeah.

I'm still recovering bits and pieces.

Talking with other vets helps a lot.

We share our experiences and how we cope.

These disconnected circuits in our brains are like loose wires that reach out and connect us with each other.

♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪ ♪ Crawled up the water spout ♪ ♪ Down came the rain and washed the spider out ♪ ♪ Out came the sun and dried up all the rain ♪ ♪ And the itsy bitsy spider ♪ ♪ Crawled up the spout again ♪ (somber music continues) (somber music continues) (somber music continues) (somber music continues) (somber music continues) (somber music continues) (no audio)